Cars break down, and people break down, and other things break down too

I have become obsessed with abandoned places, buildings, towns, houses, machinery, lighthouses, marinas, train stations.... I don't even know why. There are a ton of random abandoned places in Russia...Japan...Ireland...Detroit, New Orleans, the list goes on forever. They are so weird. Some skeletons are buildings left over from economic fallout, some are uninhabited because of a curse. Some were once hubs of people and densly populated until supplies or mines ran dry, or because of intolerable living conditions and weather. I am obsessed with these gaps in space, these lacking of human population. They have a wealth of history but are left alone, an eternity of nothing to say. They are mysterious for no reason. They have a completely believable and well known excuse, but still leave you curious as to why or what or how.

I have such a need to write lately, I sort of wish it was a need to paint, but I will express the way I need to when I need to. I'll just listen to to it suppose.

I am having a difficult time controling emotions lately. I am usually pretty good at it, or at least I have gotten that way. Lately I have just been snapping for no reason.

I am trying to get back to that infinite and resounding light heartedness that only my mother, possibly now, besides me can emulate. She is so off the wall sometimes, I think I need to get back to that.

I like my mom. Our relationship is never going to be something serious and matronly and frankly not very bonded. Maybe bonded in a different way. As in JB weld vs. a nail in wood.
We show little pieces of ourselves to be exposed by calling eachother for that one missing ingredient we can't remember, or google mapsing something to see how long it will take us to get there, or to borrow the iron. We keep it to seem merely a surface level relationship when really underneath it's like Walden's pond.

She like me, every now and then, between seeming meaningless and random exchanges and five minute "please can you" phone calls, we catch eachother at a moment where one of us bawls to the other about how infinitely depressing our situation is, how we feel like there is no way out until we feel better because one or the other just simply tells us to stop crying cause it's gonna make us cry. Then because out of reason of needing to fullfil someone else's need of us not crying we stop.

We are weird. At least she is over the part where she makes a big deal about what she did every time we go to lunch and how sorry she is. I'm glad that part is over.

I feel like everything is being taken so seriously on all fronts, all people. I need to knock it off and ignore other people who do it too.

Well I just got some sour news, and I need to go work my ass off for a couple hours. BRB.